WednesdAMA: Reader-Submitted Questions
While it’s true we get to do a lot of cool work with various companies, it’s no secret that our individual mentoring is considered the crown jewel of The Threadsmith Group. If we can make one person’s life better through the mentoring we provide, the business is a success.
BUT, not everyone is able to make the investment to get 1:1 mentoring, and we believe in giving back to the community. So welcome to WednesdAMA, in which we take a mix of reader submitted questions and LinkedIn questions and answer them.
Reader-Submitted: “My manager keeps praising my “work ethic” while piling more on my plate. How do I push back without backlash?”
I see you, you burnt out overachieving formerly gifted kid. When a manager praises your “work ethic” right before handing you yet another task, it’s not a compliment, it’s a setup. You’re being rewarded with more work, not more support, not more pay, not more autonomy. Just more work….designed as some kind of weird reward for doing good work. You know what’s an actual reward for good work, MONEY.
Here’s what I suggest: don’t argue with the compliment. Leverage it. I’d say something to the effect of: “I appreciate you recognizing my work ethic, but I want to be honest about capacity. I’m at my limit right now, so if I take this on, something else will have to move. Let’s lay out everything I’m working on and figure out what can be deprioritized.”.
You’re not saying no. You’re not being “difficult.” You’re putting the decision back where it belongs: on your manager’s plate. Let them prioritize. Let them feel the tension of too much work and not enough support. That’s their job, let them do it.
If they respond with guilt-tripping, deflection, or that classic “we’re all busy” shrug? That’s information. You are not imagining the imbalance. You're being used as a stopgap for structural issues they’re unwilling to solve. They’re just piling more weight on you and are hoping you don’t notice how many rocks you’re carrying.
Or donkeys. However you want to label your work. Set it down.
LinkedIn: “Dealing with a micromanaging boss is draining your energy. How can you reclaim your peace of mind at work?”
Honestly? You reclaim your peace of mind by removing the thing that’s stealing it in the first place. And in this case, that’s your micromanaging boss.
You are not going to “communicate your needs” or “ask for more autonomy” or “proactively build trust” your way out of this. Micromanagers micromanage because they are operating from fear and control. You didn’t create that, and you are not the one who can fix it. It’s not your job to teach your manager how to lead.
What you can do is make a plan to get out. Update your resume. Start having conversations. Reclaiming your peace doesn’t always look like a big dramatic moment—it can be as simple as saying, “This isn’t working for me,” and starting to walk toward something that does.
Reader-Submitted: “I’m the only woman on my team and I’m exhausted by the subtle sexism. How do I keep going?”
Who says you have to keep going?
Let me reframe this:
“I have this carpet in my house that’s made entirely of loose Legos. I don’t own a pair of shoes. I keep stepping on Legos and it hurts like hell. How do I ignore the pain and just keep walking?”
You don’t.
You shouldn’t.
Because there’s no prize at the end of this for who suffered the most silently. There’s no medal for “Most Tolerant of Microaggressions.” There is just you. Tired. Sore. And slowly forgetting what it felt like to not have Lego indentations in your feet.
You don’t need to ignore the pain and just keep going. You need to sweep up the damn Legos.
That might mean:
Saying out loud: “Hey, I’ve noticed I get interrupted a lot more than my peers. Can we be more mindful of airtime?”. That’s going to be uncomfortable, but bravery is not the absence of fear but acting in spite of fear. Be brave.
Documenting patterns, not for HR right away, but for yourself. And I mean every pattern. Every eye-roll. Every “he just repeated what I said” experience. Every “you’re being aggressive” or shitty gaslighty comment when you’re just being assertive. This is so you stop second-guessing your reality and it is so, so powerful.
Starting to plan your way out if the culture is showing you it will not change.
I know, you didn’t ask to be the only woman. You didn’t sign up to carry the emotional labor of everyone else’s unconscious bias. It’s AWFUL and it SUCKS, but you get to choose what happens next.
You can leave. You can call it out. You can demand better. What you don’t have to do is keep walking barefoot through someone else’s broken environment and calling it progress.
You deserve shoes. You deserve clean floors. You deserve a place that doesn’t hurt to exist in. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
LinkedIn: “You've faced criticism from a client on your project. How do you regain your focus and confidence?”
The #1 key thing to first do is assess if the criticism is valid and relevant. The feedback might be vague, the client might just suck, or the feedback may have some validity, but that's the first thing I'd recommend parsing out before doing anything else.
I tend to ask, "How would you like me to action that feedback", particularly if it's vague.
If the client is just being an ass, let it roll off your shoulders. Don't accept criticism from anyone you wouldn't go to for advice.
If it's clear, well-intentioned feedback, then yes, reflect and communicate and whatever else.
But don’t let one negative comment take the driver’s seat in your brain. You’re allowed to be proud of your work, even if someone else doesn’t get it. Stay rooted in what you know to be true.
The Threadsmith Group Approach
At The Threadsmith Group, we don’t believe in cookie-cutter advice. We believe in real answers for real people, backed by experience, strategy, and a healthy dose of common sense.
Got a question of your own? Send it in. Let’s talk about the things that actually matter.