WednesdAMA: Reader-Submitted Questions
While it’s true we get to do a lot of cool work with various companies, it’s no secret that our individual mentoring is considered the crown jewel of The Threadsmith Group. If we can make one person’s life better through the mentoring we provide, the business is a success.
BUT, not everyone is able to make the investment to get 1:1 mentoring, and we believe in giving back to the community. So welcome to WednesdAMA, in which we take a mix of reader submitted questions and LinkedIn questions and answer them.
Reader-Submitted: “I’m great at supporting others, but terrible at setting boundaries for myself. Where do I even start?”
Personally, I started with getting a therapist. She and I worked out that I’m in rehab from saying yes to everything and never setting boundaries. Oh my gosh, you say, the boundaries queen isn’t perfect at boundaries! I’m not, but I’m constantly improving, and you can too.
And let me just say, oh wow do I see you. You’re the go-to person for everyone else's meltdown, deadline, emotional labor, or late-night Slack emergency. You’ve learned that being useful is how you stay safe. How you earn belonging. How you matter.
But here's the hard truth: being constantly available doesn’t make you reliable. It makes you exploitable and it makes you so miserable.
Here’s what worked for me:
I started by practicing saying no to small things. Low-stakes stuff. “I won’t be able to get to that today.” “I’m not available at that time.”
Then, resist the urge to explain any further. You do not need a justification paragraph every time you protect your energy. A boundary is not a negotiation—it’s a fact.
And when the guilt shows up (because it will and it will suck)? Remind yourself:
“Every time I abandon myself to keep someone else comfortable, I wind up (miserable/stressed/frustrated/resentful). I don’t deserve that experience.”
You deserve the same protection, care, and breathing room that you’ve given to everyone else.
Reader-Submitted: “Skyler, you advocate a lot for people polishing their resumes and leaving toxic companies instead of staying to fix them. Why is that?”
CW: Abusive relationship parallels.
Straight up, because I’ve lived it. And I’ve learned the hard way, multiple times, toxic companies don’t want to be fixed. If they did, they wouldn’t be that way to begin with.
Toxic companies want to keep you busy enough that you stop questioning the dysfunction. They want to keep you tired, grateful, and most of all, quiet.
If your friend was in a relationship with someone who gaslit them, undercut their confidence, took everything and gave nothing back—would you tell them to “stick it out” and change their partner? No. You’d tell them to get the hell out. You’d tell that friend they deserve a better partner, a nicer relationship, someone who values them and treats them well.
It’s the same thing here.
A company that’s invested in keeping you small is not going to have an epiphany just because you worked harder and put in 12 hour days and let your micromanaging boss step on you. You can’t fix a system that’s designed to extract from you while calling it opportunity.
They want you to believe that you’re the problem. That if you just “improve your communication” or “lean in” a little more, maybe your abusive manager will magically become supportive. THEY WON’T.
Because when you finally burn out, they’ll replace you. When you ask for more, they’ll remind you how lucky you are to be here. When you speak up, they’ll call you “negative.”
The hardest thing for me to learn about that was not that the system doesn’t see itself or that the system is broken. It’s working exactly as intended.
So yeah, I tell people to polish their resumes and get out of there, because they deserve to win. I firmly believe everyone deserves a place that respects them without needing to be begged, without micromanaging, without people thinking they have to earn safety. I want people to SEE their power, to own that power, and to know deep in their bones that they do in fact deserve better.
The Threadsmith Group Approach
At The Threadsmith Group, we don’t believe in cookie-cutter advice. We believe in real answers for real people, backed by experience, strategy, and a healthy dose of common sense.
Got a question of your own? Send it in. Let’s talk about the things that actually matter.